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" The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not 'Eureka!' but 'That's funny...' "

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" During the Great Depression, when people laughed their worries disappeared. Audiences loved these funny men. I decided to become one. "

" The last time I saw him he was walking down lover's lane holding his own hand. "

" A day without sunshine is like, you know, night. "

" When I read about the way in which library funds are being cut and cut, I can only think that American society has found one more way to destroy itself. "

" Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh. "

George Bernard Shaw

" My mother is very funny. She is from a village; she has a typical village kind of humour. Often she says a lot of things she herself isn't aware is a punch line. "

" Food, love, career, and mothers, the four major guilt groups. "

Cathy Guisewite

" Life is hard. After all, it kills you. "

Katharine Hepburn

" It is not only the living who are killed in war. "

" Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it. "

Charles Dudley Warner

" I saw a stationery store move. "

" They say Yogi Berra is funny. Well, he has a lovely wife and family, a beautiful home, money in the bank, and he plays golf with millionaires. What's funny about that? "

" One advantage of talking to yourself is that you know at least somebody's listening. "

Franklin P. Jones

" God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny. "

Garrison Keillor

" If at first you don't succeed, find out if the loser gets anything. "

William Lyon Phelps

" I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass. "

" I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong. "

Bertrand Russell

" I don't feel that I'm explaining the world or teaching people anything. And I'm not trying to be a mirror, showing them what's really going on the world. All I'm trying to do is think of stuff that's funny, just like when I'm kidding around with my friends. "

" Filming is a funny combination of having a good time and not being able to wait until it's over. "

Nicole Holofcener

Having A Good Time

" The misconception is that standup comics are always on. I don't know any really funny comics that are annoying and constantly trying to be funny all the time. "

" I don't have a caustic sense of humor. What I find funny, that humor comes from a much gentler place. "

" Tell me I'm beautiful, it's nothing. Tell me I'm intellectual - I know it. Tell me I'm funny, and it's the greatest compliment in the world anyone could give me. "

" Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. "

" I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time. "

Charles M. Schulz

" Suppose that we are wise enough to learn and know - and yet not wise enough to control our learning and knowledge, so that we use it to destroy ourselves? Even if that is so, knowledge remains better than ignorance. "

" My mama never wore a pair of pants when I was growing up, and now that's all she wears. It was so funny for me when I first started seeing Mama wear pants. It was like it wasn't Mama. Now I've bought her many a pantsuit because she just lives in them. "

" I never thought I was funny, but I enjoy being funny. "

" Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy. "

Benjamin Franklin

" If you're going to tell people the truth, be funny or they'll kill you. "

" I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member. "