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" I am already so popular that anyone who vilifies me becomes more popular than I am. "

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" To me all men are equal: there are jackasses everywhere, and I have the same contempt for them all. "

" Do not learn more than you absolutely need to get through life. "

" Children play soldier. That makes sense. But why do soldiers play children? "

" There is no more unfortunate creature under the sun than a fetishist who yearns for a woman's shoe and has to settle for the whole woman. "

" Journalist: a person without any ideas but with an ability to express them; a writer whose skill is improved by a deadline: the more time he has, the worse he writes. "

" I and life: The case was settled chivalrously. The opponents parted without having made up. "

" Culture is the tacit agreement to let the means of subsistence disappear behind the purpose of existence. Civilization is the subordination of the latter to the former. "

" Democracy divides people into workers and loafers. It makes no provision for those who have no time to work. "

" If the reporter has killed our imagination with his truth, he threatens our life with his lies. "

" Morality is a venereal disease. Its primary stage is called virtue; its secondary stage, boredom; its tertiary stage, syphilis. "

" A child learns to discard his ideals, whereas a grown-up never wears out his short pants. "

" I don't like to meddle in my private affairs. "

" Democracy means the opportunity to be everyone's slave. "

" No ideas and the ability to express them - that's a journalist. "

" The trouble with Germans is not that they fire shells, but that they engrave them with quotations from Kant. "

" There are people who can never forgive a beggar for their not having given him anything. "

" Education is what most receive, many pass on, and few possess. "

" Matrimony is the union of meanness and martyrdom. "

" When a man is treated like a beast, he says, 'After all, I'm human.' When he behaves like a beast, he says 'After all, I'm only human.' "

" The closer the look one takes at a word, the greater distance from which it looks back. "

" Christian morality prefers remorse to precede lust, and then lust not to follow. "

" Science is spectral analysis. Art is light synthesis. "

" The sound principle of a topsy-turvy lifestyle in the framework of an upside-down world order has stood every test. "

" Feminine passion is to masculine as an epic is to an epigram. "

" It is the style of idealism to console itself for the loss of something old with the ability to gape at something new. "

" Curses on the law! Most of my fellow citizens are the sorry consequences of uncommitted abortions. "

" Virginity is the ideal of those who want to deflower. "

" You'd be surprised how hard it can often be to translate an action into an idea. "

" How is the world ruled and led to war? Diplomats lie to journalists and believe these lies when they see them in print. "

" Education is a crutch with which the foolish attack the wise to prove that they are not idiots. "