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" Communism is like one big phone company. "

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" Why do you have to be a nonconformist like everybody else? "

" If men knew how women pass the time when they are alone, they'd never marry. "

" Our national flower is the concrete cloverleaf. "

" Animals are sentient, intelligent, perceptive, funny and entertaining. We owe them a duty of care as we do to children. "

Michael Morpurgo

" I'm a pretty funny guy, and I would love to do a comedy with a bunch of funny guys - movie-star guys, where they could help me through it. "

" The chief function of the body is to carry the brain around. "

Thomas A. Edison

" Believe it or not, I make myself laugh. Sometimes when I have thoughts or say some things that are funny, it just makes me laugh, and I don't mind laughing at it before you guys do. "

" I think since I was kid people told me that they thought I was funny. "

" The first day one is a guest, the second a burden, and the third a pest. "

Jean de la Bruyere

" I have never been hurt by what I have not said. "

Calvin Coolidge

" There's something very authentic about humor, when you think about it. Anybody can pretend to be serious. But you can't pretend to be funny. "

" The inspiration for my Vines comes from thinking about funny and relatable experiences from my daily life. "

" Stand up is really fun because if I think of a joke or a funny idea, then I can just go and tell some people and if they laugh, they laugh right away. "

" I like making fun of myself a lot. I like being made fun of, too. I've always enjoyed it. There's just something really, really funny about someone tearing into me. "

" A lot of people who claim they're political comedians are just comedians who have opinions. But they stop being funny the minute they give their opinions. "

Gilbert Gottfried

" It's funny how it usually works out that I end up dying. It sort of works out, because by the time I die, I'm usually tired of working on that particular movie, so I look forward to it. "

" Does it bother me that I'm attached to 'Three's Company' 30 years after? Not at all. All we were trying to do was be funny. How can I complain? That's all I wanted to do. "

" James Caan told me at the end of filming 'Elf' that he had been waiting through the whole film for me to be funny - and I never was. "

" TV is chewing gum for the eyes. "

Frank Lloyd Wright

" It takes considerable knowledge just to realize the extent of your own ignorance. "

" I think my funny books are my favorites because I like to laugh so much. "

" What's another word for Thesaurus? "

" Being funny is everything to me. "

" When you're eight years old nothing is your business. "

" We need two kinds of acquaintances, one to complain to, while to the others we boast. "

Logan Pearsall Smith

" Do you know, it's funny, but I never thought of being blind as a disadvantage, and I never thought of being black as a disadvantage. "

" There's a misunderstanding about what nonsensical things are - the idea that they're just funny, and that's the beginning and the end of it. Nonsense is not 'not sense' - it operates at the edge of sense. It teems with sense - at the same time, it resists any kind of universal understanding. "

" To label me an intellectual is a misunderstanding of what that is. "

Misunderstanding

" The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love. "

" With improv, it's a combination of listening and not trying to be funny. "