Get QuoteDark Inspirational Quotes App

" Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake. "

Related Quotes:

" All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women. "

" Never give a sucker an even break. "

" It was a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it. "

" It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money. "

" I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home. "

" I like children - fried. "

" I never met a kid I liked. "

" There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation. "

" I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for. "

" Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again. "

" Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch. "

" I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy. "

" Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive. "

" The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves. "

" I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally. "

" Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned. "

" Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it. "

" Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people. "

" Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life. "

" Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed. "

" A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her. "

" I don't know why I ever come in here. The flies get the best of everything. "

" Sleep - the most beautiful experience in life - except drink. "

" You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it. "

" Women are like elephants. I like to look at 'em, but I wouldn't want to own one. "

" Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live. "

" On the whole, I'd rather be in Philidelphia. "

" The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep. "

" I must have a drink of breakfast. "

" I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy. "