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" Well, my wife and I were married in a toilet - it was a marriage of convenience! "

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" A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.' "

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" Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off. "