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" I love the writing. I love the idea of typing and seeing it on the computer and printing it out myself and, you know, moving sentences around. I like that. "

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" I wanted to be on Broadway, but in musical comedy. "

" Celebrity was a long time in coming; it will go away. Everything goes away. "

" Jimmy Stewart and Lucille Ball were so unique. "

" I think the reason I was successful is that I was never cynical. "

" Well, I don't know how astute I am, but I did want to be a journalist when I was growing up. "

" I love to write. I have always loved writing. That was my first love. "

" You have to go through the falling down in order to learn to walk. It helps to know that you can survive it. That's an education in itself. "

" When I was in college at UCLA, I took a playwriting course. I was all set to be a writer. But I had to take this acting class as a theater arts major. I had to do this scene in a one-act comedy. I just said this line, and then... this laugh happened. I thought, 'Whoa. This is a really good feeling. What have I been missing?' "

" My childhood was rough, we were poor and my parents were alcoholics, but nobody was mean. I knew I was loved. We were on welfare, but I never felt abandoned or unloved. "

" In '57, I got a job at the Blue Angel nightclub, and a gentleman named Ken Welch wrote all my material for me. I lived at a place called the Rehearsal Club that was actually the basis for a play called Stage Door. "

" You know, one wonderful thing that came out of my Enquirer experience is that, in my case, it was ruled tabloids are magazines. Which means they didn't have the protection that a newspaper has. "

" When you have a dream, you've got to grab it and never let go. "

" Just scream! You vent, and the body just feels good after a good old yell. "

" It's almost impossible to be funnier than the people in Washington. "

" We all get where we're going by circuitous journeys, and some of the setbacks are warranted. "

" I was raised going to the movies with my grandmother as a kid. And then I'd come home, and my best friend and I would act out the films that we saw. "

" I love Maya Rudolph. She's very multitalented herself. "

" I can't tell a joke to save my soul. It's just not my thing, though I love to listen to jokes. "

" I come from Texas, and my grandmother and mother were born in Arkansas. "

" I have a great memory. "

" It all happened the way it was supposed to. I wouldn't change anything. I had such a great run. "

" I wish my mother had left me something about how she felt growing up. I wish my grandmother had done the same. I wanted my girls to know me. "

" I have an iPhone, and I can text, and I can use the phone, and I can even take pictures with it. "

" When I went to New York to try and make it, I never thought it wouldn't happen. "

" I don't eat much meat, fish, or poultry. "

" What I like to write about is stuff I know. I don't think I could write a novel. I don't think I have it in me to come up with those kinds of characters. "

" I've always been able to recount things, and I have a really good memory about dialog and what people have said before and this and that. "

" I do think there are some great female comics: Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Kristen Wiig, Maya Rudolph. They're the whole ball of wax. "

" I don't have false teeth. Do you think I'd buy teeth like these? "