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" I have never been hurt by what I have not said. "

Calvin Coolidge

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" I've never been to a dinner party where everyone at the dinner table didn't say something funny. "

" I have only been funny about seventy four per cent of the time. Yes I think that is right. Seventy-four per cent of the time. "

" The last time I saw him he was walking down lover's lane holding his own hand. "

" To label me an intellectual is a misunderstanding of what that is. "

Misunderstanding

" Comedy is surprises, so if you're intending to make somebody laugh and they don't laugh, that's funny. "

" Some call-in moderators are neutral and courteous. Then there's Rush Limbaugh, who is funny and pompous and a scapegoater and hatemonger. His popularity could cause you to draw some terrible conclusions about the state of mind of the American people. It helps to remember that Bill Cosby is popular, too. "

Donella Meadows

" I love fools' experiments. I am always making them. "

" I've been fascinated by the Internet from the very start. In 2001, I had made a funny black-and-white film called 'How to Dance Properly,' a short video of me dancing to a Madonna song. I sent it to 17 of my friends on a Thursday, and by Monday, one million people a day were logging on to view it. "

" If my mother hadn't laughed at the funny things I did, I probably wouldn't be a comic actor. After she had her first heart attack, the doctor said, 'Try to make her laugh.' And that was the first time I tried to make anyone laugh. "

" It's funny how I use social media because I don't use it to promote my restaurants that much. I use it for social issues and I think that's what it's for. I do a few things - I mess around with music a lot because that's a passion of mine. If something strikes me and I want to share it, I do. "

" He looked about as inconspicuous as a tarantula on a slice of angel food. "

Raymond Chandler

" I've always found it easier to be funny than to be serious. "

" If it's the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number? "

" I think anyone who has, you know, is in any sort of artistic pursuit, kind of goes up and down with the way they feel about their work. And I, for the most part, am pretty happy person. But, yeah. I go through definite periods of time where I'm not funny. I'm not good. I'm - I don't feel original. "

" There is nothing funny about a well-adjusted, intelligent person making the right choices. "

" I exaggerate all our selves, our beings. I make fun of everything: of our life and what we are. But I don't tell jokes, really. I just exaggerate life, and it comes out funny. "

" Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes. "

" Expert: a man who makes three correct guesses consecutively. "

Laurence J. Peter

" I see fighters make funny videos about me and stick them on Facebook and get 20 likes. When I make a video, I sell it to Fox and make seven figures. That's the difference. "

" I had to act in a school play when I was about ten years old. I really didn't want to do it. But everyone had to do it so I didn't have a choice. A talent agent came and watched it and later gave me some work. It's funny because I'd always known that I wanted a movie career. I just didn't think that I would be in the movies. "

Kristen Stewart

" I had everything I'd hoped for, but I wasn't being myself. So I decided to be honest about who I was. It was strange: The people who loved me for being funny suddenly didn't like me for being... me. "

Ellen DeGeneres

" It is only when men begin to worship that they begin to grow. "

Calvin Coolidge

" 'Copper' is my first period piece. It's funny because I've been doing a lot of episodes of 'Elementary' with Johnny Lee Miller and Lucy Liu; they keep bringing me back on the show, and so I go from being an outstanding black doctor to being a kind of hood, ex-car thief who went through rehab in 'Elementary.' "

" I try to be funny and not ignorant. "

" One of the things I like about acting is that, in a funny way, I come back to myself. "

" It's funny: people who meet me say, 'I thought you'd be different.' But I'm still the same guy. "

" Probably spending 12 years at boarding school - comedy became a survival gene. But I think some people are funny right off the bat, as soon as they can speak or be naughty. "

" I don't have a caustic sense of humor. What I find funny, that humor comes from a much gentler place. "

" I no doubt deserved my enemies, but I don't believe I deserved my friends. "

" I don't think anyone should write their autobiography until after they're dead. "