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" I find myself by default an atheist but fairly unhappily so. It would be bloody marvelous if there was a god. "

Marcus Brigstocke

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" If you want something Scottish, go get yourself a kilt. "

Marcus Brigstocke

" I find it hard to get enthusiastic about hotels because, as a touring comic, I spend a lot of time in them. "

Marcus Brigstocke

" Offence is important; that's how you know you care about things. Imagine a life where you're not offended. So dull. "

Marcus Brigstocke

" No one wants life to end. It was bad enough when my last tour came to an end. "

Marcus Brigstocke

" I have learnt that I am incapable of packing the right amount of clothing, probably because I start 10 minutes before I'm supposed to leave, and that I truly hate airports. "

Marcus Brigstocke

" I am not racked with self-loathing. Some issues of guilt and shame, but I'm a pretty good guy. "

Marcus Brigstocke

" Eventually, somewhere - be it on the Internet or somewhere else - I will host some version of 'The Daily Show.' "

Marcus Brigstocke

" Catholicism has the clerical equivalent to a nut allergy - even a small exposure to change, and the whole thing will go into anaphylactic shock. "

Marcus Brigstocke

" I failed to get into drama school, and my best friend told me I should do stand-up instead. I was always doing gags and voices, so he booked a gig for me without telling me. I only had four days to write it. I did a seven-minute set; the first four minutes were terrible, but the last two were amazing. "

Marcus Brigstocke

" The most successful comics are always the hardest-working ones. "

Marcus Brigstocke

" Guilt is feeling bad about what you have done; shame is feeling bad about who you are - all it is, is muddling up things you have done with who you are. "

Marcus Brigstocke

" I don't mind not being cool; I wear a cardigan. "

Marcus Brigstocke

" I think Ross Noble is the only person that I've seen really storm a stand-up slot at a festival, and that was when he led 3,000 people on a conga out of the tent and across the entire site to a vegetarian food truck. "

Marcus Brigstocke

" All my shows are therapy, trying to navigate interesting subjects so I can work them out and to be honest and say some things are beyond the wit of this man. "

Marcus Brigstocke

" I went to China for a brief working visit, and I thought that Shanghai was interesting, but Beijing totally grabbed me. "

Marcus Brigstocke

" Jim Henson was an absolute genius. "

Marcus Brigstocke

" I rarely fly, for environmental reasons more than anything else. "

Marcus Brigstocke

" I spend my jollity on stage, so there is less in my own life. "

Marcus Brigstocke

" Never Google yourself. Seriously, don't! "

Marcus Brigstocke

" There are a lot of comics at the top end making staggering amounts of money and selling out stadiums. I think stand-up is a more intimate thing than that. Maybe because of the kind of comedy I do. It's like a discussion, but I'm the one with the microphone. "

Marcus Brigstocke

" And much as I enjoy writing and creating stuff, I don't enjoy it so much that I am willing to give up any time that could otherwise be spent performing. "

Marcus Brigstocke

" I realised that to compare your insides with other people's outsides leads to unhappiness. "

Marcus Brigstocke

" I think it's important never to look yourself up on Wikipedia. I think the temptation to correct any interesting factual errors would be too much. "

Marcus Brigstocke

" I've spent a lot of very happy times in Edinburgh as a result of playing virtually every festival since 1996. It's also a beautiful city in its own right, is walkable, within sight of the sea and mountains - and was too far north for the Luftwaffe to have done any damage, hence the spectacularly beautiful architecture. "

Marcus Brigstocke